Jerry "Diva" Jones

            There aren’t a lot of positive things to be said about Dallas Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.  He has been named the worst owner in the NFL and the least favorite sports personality by Sports Illustrated.  He runs every coach he hires out of Dallas because of his controlling, egotistical nature.  His intolerable behavior and lack of success has even lead to the formation of grassroots organizations aimed at displacing him from his position.  The man is about as well respected as O.J. Simpson, but I will say this about the Jones, he is certainly not boring.

 Jerry Jones never fails to impress me with his ability to get his Botox filled face all over the news.  Tuesday night, Jones had one of his more embarrassing outcries for attention when he was caught on camera bad-mouthing Bill Parcells and Tim Tebow.  Check out the inebriated Jerry Jones:

 Jerry, saying that Bill Parcells is “not worth a shit” is a pretty cruel take on a Hall of Fame coach that came into Dallas and turned your franchise around.  Parcells inherited a dysfunctional 5-11 team and left a playoff team when you eventually forced him out.  I can’t say that I disagree with your comments about Tebow, as I am not a huge fan, but come on, you are 67-years old, there is no need to make such harsh remarks about a 22-year old kid.

  I don’t know if you just were not loved enough as a child or what, but Jerry, it is time for you to finally grow up.  As a Cowboy fan, I want to believe that you can change your ways, but based on your track record, I think we both know that is not a realistic expectation.  I also think I speak on behalf of the vast majority when I say that I look for to the day that you are no longer anywhere near football.  

-The Southern Gentleman

A Lefty is the Definition of Classy

How sweet it is to see a fellow left-handed golfer donning the green jacket. Especially when it was not just a lefty, but "The Lefty", going 16 under to win the Masters. As Rick Reilly reminds us, "Mickelson... is the guy who stayed true to his wife. He's the guy who's been missing tournaments the last 11 months while he flies her back and forth to a breast cancer specialist in Houston. He's the guy who didn't need reminding that women are not disposable" (Read Reilly's story here). Thank you Phil, for reminding us that its not just the philanderers and cheaters who finish on top of the leader boards. And thank you, for understanding my struggle to find a decent set of clubs (just because the rest of the world uses the wrong hand). I'm just saying...

Mickelson not only took home the win, but left Lee Westwood behind by 3 strokes, and went 16 under par to match the best score at the Masters since Woods in 2001. Plus, the dude made some incredible shots. Without, might I add, the prominent man boobs. Dude's been working out. My favorite shot was his 207 yard 6-iron off the pine needles, between two trees. Oh yea, and he knocked it down within 4 feet of the flag. Are you kidding me? Put me in that situation, and I'll be happy if I shank it into the second cut. At his press conference, when asked if he could talk about that shot on the 13th hole, Mickelson replied, "It was, uh, 6-iron, 207 to the hole, I knocked it four feet". Not a big deal or anything, right Phil? Check out the shot:

Congrats to you Phil, for coming back after a year of nothing better than 8th place finishes, and making a statement that morality is not absent from the world of sports. Plus, you kept the universe in order by keeping a cursing Tiger from putting on the green jacket. Remember that promise Tiger made? The one about keeping his outbursts under control? Yea, not so much:

Tiger Woods, you suck! 

The microphones on a golf course are designed to pick up the most minute of sounds. You really didn't think the mic would pick up, "Tiger Woods, you suck! God damnit!" Well, it did. And now everyone knows you're full of shit. 

Adios, 

Breeneback 

Spotlight: Kevin Durant

            A few days ago, Kevin Durant increased his scoring average to 30 points a game and gained the NBA scoring lead.  It looks like the scoring crown is a two horse race between Durant and LeBron James, who trails KD by a mere .3 points a game. Maybe I am a little bit biased because the baby faced Durant attended the University of Texas, but I honestly believe he will edge LeBron for the scoring title in what many believe to be the tightest race ever.  The circumstances seem to favor Durant, or at least give him control of the race.  The Cavaliers, having clinched the NBA’s best record, are resting LeBron so he hasn't had a chance to improve his scoring average. If the 21-year old Durant is able to hold onto his current lead, he will become the youngest player ever to win the scoring title.  Although some consider the NBA scoring title to be one of the more selfish awards in all of sports, in KD’s case, that is the last thing it is. 

            Durant is the main reason the extremely young Oklahoma City Thunder (formerly the Seattle Sonics) are the NBA’s most improved team, having already doubled their 23 wins from last season.  Kevin Durant scores 30 points a game, but what’s even more admirable is that he doesn’t do it in the egotistical way of Allen Iverson/Carmelo Anthony--take 60 shots a game and make 10.  KD shoots a very respectable 48% from the floor, which is especially impressive considering that the majority of his shots come from the perimeter.  And there is nothing selfish about Durant’s attitude toward the scoring title; the UT alum continually makes comments such as, “I can’t emphasize any more, I really don’t care about [the scoring title].  I’d rather be in the playoffs.”  Not the reaction you would expect from a 21-year old kid, but that is just the type of guy Kevin Durant is.  A lot of great scorers are very effective on the offensive end because they don’t put in any effort in on defense and just play what my dad likes to call “swinging-gate defense” (which is always letting the man you are guarding to blow right by you). Durant, on the other hand, is a defensive nightmare because he has those ridiculously long arms (7’6” arm span) and seems to get his hands on everything.  Durant has increased his steals, blocks, and rebounds from last season and his effort on the defensive end is one of the reasons that the Thunder will be making their first playoff appearance in 6 years.

            There is a lot to be said about this 21-year old phenomenon but watch this video:

 

Yes, he drops 45 points, but what really impresses me is the way he handled the post game interview.  As you can see in the video, Durant was clearly fouled on that last second shot and his team was cheated out of a win, yet in the interview KD does not make one comment about the refs.  He just says it was a fun game and that the Thunder need to focus on their next game.  I guarantee you that 99% of NBA players in his position end up with a fine the next morning because of their comments about the refs.  Any GM would sell their mother to have a guy like Kevin Durant to build their franchise around. I think everyone can agree that KD is going to do some great things in the future, like humbly winning the scoring title.

-The Southern Gentleman

Tiger Bar-- I mean Tiki Barber, Ladies and Gentlemen

Tiki Barber recently left his wife of 11 years for a former NBC intern. His wife is 8-months pregnant. With twins. Oh, and the former NBC intern is 23 years old. Her name is Traci Johnson. Yea, Traci with an "i". Definition of class. Congrats Tiki, you've taken the douchebag spotlight off Tiger. That's pretty tough.

Tiki's wife, Ginny, supposedly found out about Tiki's affair last year when he moved out of their apartment. Tiki has been running around with the intern for quite some time, traveling with her to Senegal for the filming of a documentary, and possibly connecting with her at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

The real odd thing about this scandal is Barber's publicly expressed disdain for his unfaithful father. He was quoted in 2004, speaking about his parent's relationship, saying, "I don't give a [bleep] that the relationship didn't work. Not only did [my father] abandon [my mother], I felt like he abandoned us for a lot of our lives. I have a hard time forgiving that". Plus, in his memoir, Tiki wrote, "My family is everything to me" (Read more here). I mean, maybe Tiger got away from his Buddhism, but there's no way Tiki can get away from this quote. If you cared about your family, you wouldn't be caught up in an affair with a woman 12 years younger than you.

A lot of people had trouble believing that a stand-up guy like Tiki could've done this to his family. I, on the other hand, saw this coming a mile away. Ever since Tiki talked smack about Eli Manning and the Giants, he was dead to me. Don't retire, then question your former quarterback's leadership ability publicly. And try not to interview him after he wins the Superbowl for the Giants. Eli doesn't want to be interviewed by the guy who called his leadership skills "comical".

Anyways, check out Tiki's memoir to see what he had to say about his family:
















Adios,
Breeneback

Great Time to be a Horn?

Heading into the final days of 2009, it looked like my Texas Longhorns were going to assert themselves as the greatest program in all of college sports. The football team was 13-0 and just over two weeks away from playing Alabama in the national championship game. Coming off of big wins over North Carolina and Michigan State, the basketball team was also 13-0 and looked poised to have the best season in school history. The women’s volleyball team was set to take on Penn State for the national championship. The swimming and diving team was ranked number one in the country. Even the baseball team was ranked number one in the preseason rankings. Five teams ranked in the top 3 nationally…talk about your powerhouse.

This utopia all came crashing down on one gloomy night--December 19. Watching the longhorn volleyball game, it looked like it was time to light the tower up with a number one (what the university does when any Texas team wins a national championship) after the team won the first two sets and only needed to win one of the following three to take home a championship. But then star Destiny Hooker (one of the classier names you will ever hear) and the lady horns choked hard, losing the next three sets and the national championship. I thought to myself, its volleyball it is not a big deal, right? Wrong, it was the beginning of a very rough time for Texas sports. About two weeks after the volleyball’s team collapse, the college football national championship was upon us. Much like the end of 2009 for Texas athletics, the start of the national championship game was promising as our defense held Bama to a three and out and our offensive took over on their side of the field. But then it all came tumbling down when star Colt McCoy went down, along with our hopes of winning the national championship. (Don’t get me started on that game because if Colt is healthy Texas wins easily, no doubt in my mind). It is true, everything is bigger in Texas and so were my tears that night. After another disappointing loss, it was time to turn our attention to the basketball team; they still looked prepared to make a national title run. A few days after the football game, the basketball team earned its first number one ranking in school history, but you guessed it, they fell apart. Sorry, falling apart is a gross understatement, but then again there aren’t even words to describe what the Horns did. After starting out 17-0, the team finished the season losing 9 of their final 16 games and got booted out of the top 25. Yes, it’s true, the Longhorns went from number 1 to unranked in a little over a month, a feat that’s almost impressive. Of course it would only be fitting if the Longhorns lost in the first round of the tournament, which of course they managed to do. Playing a weak Wake Forest team, the Longhorns still managed to lose, even despite the fact they were up 8 points with 2 minutes left in overtime. One final hope to salvage our dignity remains: the baseball team. Starting off the season by losing the opening series to a far inferior New Mexico team is not a great way to start a championship run. In a nutshell, 2010 has been beyond horrible for the Texas Longhorns.

Fortunately for Longhorn fans everywhere, I think our luck is beginning to change. The swimming and diving team won the national championship, which I understand isn’t a huge deal, but at this point we need the small victories. Also, after a slow start, the baseball team is starting to kick it into gear and is ranked number 6 nationally with a 21-7 record. And then two nights ago, something amazing happened: Christian Westerman committed to Texas. Many believe that the 2011 offensive lineman is the best player in the nation and will be the best lineman ever to come through Texas. Westerman is the 19^th addition to an already stellar 2011 recruiting class that is almost full a whole 10 months before national signing day. With Garret Gilbert at the helm of our football team and the help of our incoming recruiting classes, the future is very bright in Austin, Texas. Let’s all hope that we see this in the near future:

-The Southern Gentleman

Coach K: The Man, The Myth, The Legend

After Duke beat Butler in the national championship game, Coach Mike Krzyzewski was finally relieved of the immense (unjustified) pressure that had been on his shoulders all season. I will put it like this, you do not want to be the head coach at Duke if you are coming off four straight home losses to your archrival North Carolina and five straight early tournament exits. So much pressure, in fact, that after Duke beat Baylor in the Elite Eight, Coach K was so relieved to have made it back to the final four and finally have his critics off his back that he completely forgot to share the moment with his wife. An usher had to yell at him, “Hey Coach, you forgot your wife!” Krzyzewski quickly apologized to his wife telling her how crazy it was out there. The good news for Coach K is that he only needed to apologize to his wife, not duke fans. Having lead Duke to yet another national championship, Coach K cemented a place for himself among the greatest coaches of all time and also satisfied disgruntled fans.

With his fourth national championship win two nights ago, Coach K tied Adolf Rupp for the second most national championship wins among men’s college basketball coaches (only John Wooden has won more titles, winning 10 at UCLA from 1964-1975). Krzyzewski’s 11 Final Four appearances also tie him for second most Final Four appearances among all coaches. Furthermore, he holds the NCAA tournament record for highest winning percentage (78%). Not only is he first in wins in tourney history with 77 victories, but Coach K is also the first coach to win national championships in three consecutive decades. Under his reign, Duke has played more games ranked as the number 1 team (190) than it has as an unranked team (144). Averaging more than 25 wins a season, Coach K is expected to surpass Bob Knight as the all time winningest college basketball coach in the next season or two. Coach K is only 34 wins shy of Knight—his own former coach at Army—with a grand total of 868 victories. Duke fans sending him hate mail before this season seem to have forgotten all of these accolades and just how good Krzyzewski is. I mean, I can’t think of a coach I would rather have head my team. If Coach K was hated on so much with his past success, I can’t even imagine what Rick Barnes of the Texas Longhorns is going through right now. He is the primary reason that the Longhorns had what I consider their most disappointing basketball season ever. Then again, most coaches at high levels understand that they are only as good as their last season.

Coach K has clearly done some impressive coaching in the past, but I don’t think anything compares to what he did this year. Amidst all of the pressure, He guided his Duke team, which didn’t have the normal star power or depth of his previous championship teams, to a 35-5 record and a ACC tournament title. Then came the NCAA tournament where many people believed that the Blue Devils were over seeded. The Blue Devils certainly lacked the athleticism and NBA lottery picks compared to the other one seeds and some of the teams they faced in the tournament. But Duke had a “secret” weapon that no one else had: Mike Krzyzewski. He continually out-coached every team his Dukies played, as evident in Duke’s 17-point margin of victory heading into their showdown with Butler. And we all know how that game played out: Mike Krzyzewski was able to conduct his Blue Devils past Butler, a team that almost seemed destined to win it all and achieve a fairytale ending, in one of the greatest championship games in tournament history. And if none of that impresses you, perhaps Coach K’s most impressive feat was turning Brian Zoubek (easily the most klutzy and biggest goofball ever to walk this earth) into a productive basketball player.

-The Southern Gentleman

Buh-Bye Buddhism, Hello Green Jacket

As we all know, Tiger will be playing in the Masters this year. I got a chance to catch the press conference he gave in Augusta. For the most part, it was disappointing. The reporters treated him as though the wrongs he committed were somehow not his own doing. They asked him questions that did not reveal anything new about the scandal. Plus, they acted as if he was entitled to keep his scandal private. When asked what he went to rehab for, he replied, “That’s personal”. You went to rehab for sex, dude. You can say sex on T.V. I understand it’s embarrassing that can’t take responsible for cheating on Elin, but don’t blame it on being addicted to sex. That’s like if I told my Mom I got a D- in 8^th grade math because I was addicted to Madden 2004. (“It’s a real problem Mom, every time I leave the Xbox I break out in cold sweats and start getting nauseous…”).

Tiger, we get it, you’re not a great guy. Whether you were a good guy or not beforehand, who knows. Maybe you really did “get away from your Buddhism”. Or maybe your bullshitting us with stories of meditation. I’m sorry, I just don’t see a guy like Tiger having time to meditate when he’s playing golf 99% of the day, and the other time is spent with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkeley:http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/the_naked_truth_kJhGO4wAlV9Xl8qvTWrglI

I do respect a couple reporters from the conference because they had the balls to ask some tough questions. One dealt with Tiger’s use of Vicodin and Ambien. Apparently, Tiger had been popping quite a few pills after his knee surgeries and the multiple tears of his Achilles tendon. He did admit to the use of these medications. The question that came later on, however, was a bit more probing. When asked if he had been under the influence of Vicodin or Ambien when he crashed his car, he replied with this line: "They (the police) cited me $166 bucks”. I dunno Tiger, but if you’re trying to convince us that you weren’t high on Vicodin when you crashed your car (less than 100 feet from your garage), you might want to flat-out deny the use of these drugs. Just throwing it out there…

Anyways, aside from the issues with Tiger’s character, I’m sure he’ll make it rain at Augusta. The man’s a prodigy. Plus, he’s going to try and “not get as hot” when he plays. He also won’t be as “exuberant”. He says he can’t play with one and not the other. Hopefully this means he won’t be pouting the entire time he’s on the course.

Be sure to check out the Masters on Thursday. I’m sure it won’t be too long until we see Tiger fist-pumping and cursing under his breath. I was hoping to end this article with some witty comment equating the amount of women Tiger’s slept with and the amount of holes he’ll play during the tourney, but I just don’t think there are enough greens at Augusta. Zing.

Adios,
Breeneback