A Lefty is the Definition of Classy

How sweet it is to see a fellow left-handed golfer donning the green jacket. Especially when it was not just a lefty, but "The Lefty", going 16 under to win the Masters. As Rick Reilly reminds us, "Mickelson... is the guy who stayed true to his wife. He's the guy who's been missing tournaments the last 11 months while he flies her back and forth to a breast cancer specialist in Houston. He's the guy who didn't need reminding that women are not disposable" (Read Reilly's story here). Thank you Phil, for reminding us that its not just the philanderers and cheaters who finish on top of the leader boards. And thank you, for understanding my struggle to find a decent set of clubs (just because the rest of the world uses the wrong hand). I'm just saying...

Mickelson not only took home the win, but left Lee Westwood behind by 3 strokes, and went 16 under par to match the best score at the Masters since Woods in 2001. Plus, the dude made some incredible shots. Without, might I add, the prominent man boobs. Dude's been working out. My favorite shot was his 207 yard 6-iron off the pine needles, between two trees. Oh yea, and he knocked it down within 4 feet of the flag. Are you kidding me? Put me in that situation, and I'll be happy if I shank it into the second cut. At his press conference, when asked if he could talk about that shot on the 13th hole, Mickelson replied, "It was, uh, 6-iron, 207 to the hole, I knocked it four feet". Not a big deal or anything, right Phil? Check out the shot:

Congrats to you Phil, for coming back after a year of nothing better than 8th place finishes, and making a statement that morality is not absent from the world of sports. Plus, you kept the universe in order by keeping a cursing Tiger from putting on the green jacket. Remember that promise Tiger made? The one about keeping his outbursts under control? Yea, not so much:

Tiger Woods, you suck! 

The microphones on a golf course are designed to pick up the most minute of sounds. You really didn't think the mic would pick up, "Tiger Woods, you suck! God damnit!" Well, it did. And now everyone knows you're full of shit. 

Adios, 

Breeneback 

Tiger Bar-- I mean Tiki Barber, Ladies and Gentlemen

Tiki Barber recently left his wife of 11 years for a former NBC intern. His wife is 8-months pregnant. With twins. Oh, and the former NBC intern is 23 years old. Her name is Traci Johnson. Yea, Traci with an "i". Definition of class. Congrats Tiki, you've taken the douchebag spotlight off Tiger. That's pretty tough.

Tiki's wife, Ginny, supposedly found out about Tiki's affair last year when he moved out of their apartment. Tiki has been running around with the intern for quite some time, traveling with her to Senegal for the filming of a documentary, and possibly connecting with her at the Winter Olympics in Vancouver.

The real odd thing about this scandal is Barber's publicly expressed disdain for his unfaithful father. He was quoted in 2004, speaking about his parent's relationship, saying, "I don't give a [bleep] that the relationship didn't work. Not only did [my father] abandon [my mother], I felt like he abandoned us for a lot of our lives. I have a hard time forgiving that". Plus, in his memoir, Tiki wrote, "My family is everything to me" (Read more here). I mean, maybe Tiger got away from his Buddhism, but there's no way Tiki can get away from this quote. If you cared about your family, you wouldn't be caught up in an affair with a woman 12 years younger than you.

A lot of people had trouble believing that a stand-up guy like Tiki could've done this to his family. I, on the other hand, saw this coming a mile away. Ever since Tiki talked smack about Eli Manning and the Giants, he was dead to me. Don't retire, then question your former quarterback's leadership ability publicly. And try not to interview him after he wins the Superbowl for the Giants. Eli doesn't want to be interviewed by the guy who called his leadership skills "comical".

Anyways, check out Tiki's memoir to see what he had to say about his family:
















Adios,
Breeneback

Buh-Bye Buddhism, Hello Green Jacket

As we all know, Tiger will be playing in the Masters this year. I got a chance to catch the press conference he gave in Augusta. For the most part, it was disappointing. The reporters treated him as though the wrongs he committed were somehow not his own doing. They asked him questions that did not reveal anything new about the scandal. Plus, they acted as if he was entitled to keep his scandal private. When asked what he went to rehab for, he replied, “That’s personal”. You went to rehab for sex, dude. You can say sex on T.V. I understand it’s embarrassing that can’t take responsible for cheating on Elin, but don’t blame it on being addicted to sex. That’s like if I told my Mom I got a D- in 8^th grade math because I was addicted to Madden 2004. (“It’s a real problem Mom, every time I leave the Xbox I break out in cold sweats and start getting nauseous…”).

Tiger, we get it, you’re not a great guy. Whether you were a good guy or not beforehand, who knows. Maybe you really did “get away from your Buddhism”. Or maybe your bullshitting us with stories of meditation. I’m sorry, I just don’t see a guy like Tiger having time to meditate when he’s playing golf 99% of the day, and the other time is spent with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkeley:http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/the_naked_truth_kJhGO4wAlV9Xl8qvTWrglI

I do respect a couple reporters from the conference because they had the balls to ask some tough questions. One dealt with Tiger’s use of Vicodin and Ambien. Apparently, Tiger had been popping quite a few pills after his knee surgeries and the multiple tears of his Achilles tendon. He did admit to the use of these medications. The question that came later on, however, was a bit more probing. When asked if he had been under the influence of Vicodin or Ambien when he crashed his car, he replied with this line: "They (the police) cited me $166 bucks”. I dunno Tiger, but if you’re trying to convince us that you weren’t high on Vicodin when you crashed your car (less than 100 feet from your garage), you might want to flat-out deny the use of these drugs. Just throwing it out there…

Anyways, aside from the issues with Tiger’s character, I’m sure he’ll make it rain at Augusta. The man’s a prodigy. Plus, he’s going to try and “not get as hot” when he plays. He also won’t be as “exuberant”. He says he can’t play with one and not the other. Hopefully this means he won’t be pouting the entire time he’s on the course.

Be sure to check out the Masters on Thursday. I’m sure it won’t be too long until we see Tiger fist-pumping and cursing under his breath. I was hoping to end this article with some witty comment equating the amount of women Tiger’s slept with and the amount of holes he’ll play during the tourney, but I just don’t think there are enough greens at Augusta. Zing.

Adios,
Breeneback

Tiger Tiger Woods Y'all...The Inside Story From his Neighbor

This story is for all of us who wonder why Tiger’s wife wasn’t the one ripping out of their garage in the Escalade. New Rochelle’s own Ben Silver provided us with the story. He received it from a friend’s dad’s friend who owns a Country Club…phewf:

“I have a Member who lives 10 houses down from Tiger in Isleworth (Orlando, FL). As we know, Tiger's agent is Mark Steinberg. My Member plays golf and is real good friends with another IMG Agent; who is very good friends with Steinberg and they share the same office. This information came from the other IMG Agent to my Member, and then to me today, and according to them is up to date as yesterday when my Member left Orlando.

On Thanksgiving Day, after he (Tiger) and Elin and the family had Turkey Dinner, he spent the rest of the afternoon on the couch watching football and texting Rachel (Uchitel). After each received and sent text message he would clear his message box to rid himself of the evidence. Sometime in between there, one of his Orlando buds called him to see if he wanted to get together at the Clubhouse to play poker with the guys, to which Tiger said yes. Tiger left the house around 7:30 to go play poker, and left behind his cell phone...and one message he had forgot to delete from Rachel.

When Tiger returned home around 11:30 -12 that night, Elin confronted him about the text message in the phone, and then started a heated discussion to its regards. According to what I was told, there was more "incriminating evidence" than just the text message (i.e. photos). Tiger tried to play it off to Elin by telling her she was reading too much in to it, and did not know the story, etc. Tiger went upstairs to change into his gym shorts and t - shirt, came back down, and Elin confronted him again; to which Tiger gave the same story. Tiger sat down in a chair in the living room, and Elin sat across from him urging Tiger to just come clean. Tiger stayed to his guns and denied everything. At one point

Tiger turned away to look at the TV, and as he turned back, Elin hit him on the right side of the face with the head of a 9 - iron. When she struck Tiger, she put a huge gash in the right side of his face next to his nose (causing his nose to bruise some), and virtually knocking two of his upper teeth out, and breaking the bone on the upper right side. Tiger ran scared as hell out of the house (which is why he had on no shoes) with Elin swinging the golf club throughout the hallway to the garage (i.e. causing the severe damage which has been reported).

Tiger hopped in the Escalade and tried to leave; and as we know Elin knocked out the windows in the Escalade. When Tiger crashed, Elin panicked and was not sure what to tell the police (which is why there are two conflicting stories from her). When this happened, Elin immediately called Mark Steinberg to tell him what happened, and Mark told Elin to tell him what hospital they were going to, and he would meet them there.

Tiger is transported to the hospital with Elin in the ambulance, and as they arrive Mark is there waiting for them. The people from the hospital and the doctors take Tiger in for X-Rays etc. to check out the damage caused. The doctors tell Mark there is not much they can do to repair the teeth and the gash, but the doctor knows a cosmetic dentist and plastic surgeon in Phoenix who will make Tiger look as if nothing happened. Tiger tells Mark to get the jet ready and let’s head to Phoenix to get this done. Friday after Tiger is released from the hospital, he does not return home; he and Mark board the plane for Phoenix. If you remember, FHP (Florida Highway Patrol) kept showing up at Isleworth to talk to Tiger, and was told by another FL attorney (who Tiger hired for PR reasons) Tiger was not ready to talk. Well now we know why: he was in Phoenix, and did not arrive back in Orlando until either late last Wednesday night or early Thursday morning. The surgeries were more intense than what they had originally planned, which meant Tiger was in PHX longer than he should have been. Upon arriving back in Orlando, Tiger and Elin have been in intense marriage counseling sessions (up to 6 to 7 hours a day) every day! Both Tiger and Elin have told the counselors they love each other, and want to make the marriage work. The reports you are reading on TMZ and RadarOnline are about 30% accurate at best according to Mark.

In regards to Tiger's boat being in Palm Beach this week, along with Rachel; that part is true. However, Tiger is not on the boat, and is not in Palm Beach; and Rachel is not on the boat. Her parents live 6 blocks from where the boat is, but that is it. Tiger has not returned to his house at Isleworth since the day of the accident except for the therapy sessions. IMG has enlisted the assistance of one of its most recognized sports figures, and Tiger has taken up residence in his neighborhood: Bay Hill. IMG contacted Arnold Palmer because of the high regard in which Tiger holds Arnold. Arnold has agreed, and IMG has said if anyone can get through to Tiger, Arnold may be the only person who can based on his public persona when he was at the height of his game as well. The moving trucks being shown on TMZ and RadarOnline are moving out pictures and furniture, which was damaged during their Thanksgiving Day argument; not of her moving out.

Yes, Elin has retained a divorce attorney, but has not filed any papers, and as of yesterday had no intention on doing so. Tiger has not made any public appearances or statements due to the surgery and plastic surgery he had in PHX. It will be about another month if not more before he gets in front of a camera. Yes, Tiger is hitting golf balls late at night at Bay Hill out of their teaching center (which is equipped with lights).”

Now, we could talk about this story all day, but I'd like to highlight some key points...it's time for "Thoughts from The Breeneback":


1.Tiger: watching football and texting never go together. If you were really watching football, you’d have no interest in sending awkward sexual text messages to a nightclub promoter whose most interesting story is the last affair she had with a Fortune 500 member.

2. I respect the move on deleting your texts, but how ‘bout go a step further and put a password on your phone. You’re Tiger Woods. Do you really want to risk losing your phone to some overweight middle-aged golf fanatic, and have him prank call Phil Mickelson?

3. Photos? You had naked pictures of this girl on your phone? Really, Tiger? The last time I heard of exchanging naked pictures via cell phone was freshman year of high school when Carl the pervert snuck into the girls locker room. Now I'm pretty sure he's a registered sex offender.

4. Elin, I respect the club choice. Enough weight to get the job done, but enough maneuverability for your dainty Swedish arms. I hope the club speed was up to par with Tiger’s.



A final word…

To the plastic surgeons in Phoenix: Please fix Tiger’s face so it does not look like he’s crying 90% of the time he’s on the course.