A Lefty is the Definition of Classy

How sweet it is to see a fellow left-handed golfer donning the green jacket. Especially when it was not just a lefty, but "The Lefty", going 16 under to win the Masters. As Rick Reilly reminds us, "Mickelson... is the guy who stayed true to his wife. He's the guy who's been missing tournaments the last 11 months while he flies her back and forth to a breast cancer specialist in Houston. He's the guy who didn't need reminding that women are not disposable" (Read Reilly's story here). Thank you Phil, for reminding us that its not just the philanderers and cheaters who finish on top of the leader boards. And thank you, for understanding my struggle to find a decent set of clubs (just because the rest of the world uses the wrong hand). I'm just saying...

Mickelson not only took home the win, but left Lee Westwood behind by 3 strokes, and went 16 under par to match the best score at the Masters since Woods in 2001. Plus, the dude made some incredible shots. Without, might I add, the prominent man boobs. Dude's been working out. My favorite shot was his 207 yard 6-iron off the pine needles, between two trees. Oh yea, and he knocked it down within 4 feet of the flag. Are you kidding me? Put me in that situation, and I'll be happy if I shank it into the second cut. At his press conference, when asked if he could talk about that shot on the 13th hole, Mickelson replied, "It was, uh, 6-iron, 207 to the hole, I knocked it four feet". Not a big deal or anything, right Phil? Check out the shot:

Congrats to you Phil, for coming back after a year of nothing better than 8th place finishes, and making a statement that morality is not absent from the world of sports. Plus, you kept the universe in order by keeping a cursing Tiger from putting on the green jacket. Remember that promise Tiger made? The one about keeping his outbursts under control? Yea, not so much:

Tiger Woods, you suck! 

The microphones on a golf course are designed to pick up the most minute of sounds. You really didn't think the mic would pick up, "Tiger Woods, you suck! God damnit!" Well, it did. And now everyone knows you're full of shit. 

Adios, 

Breeneback 

Buh-Bye Buddhism, Hello Green Jacket

As we all know, Tiger will be playing in the Masters this year. I got a chance to catch the press conference he gave in Augusta. For the most part, it was disappointing. The reporters treated him as though the wrongs he committed were somehow not his own doing. They asked him questions that did not reveal anything new about the scandal. Plus, they acted as if he was entitled to keep his scandal private. When asked what he went to rehab for, he replied, “That’s personal”. You went to rehab for sex, dude. You can say sex on T.V. I understand it’s embarrassing that can’t take responsible for cheating on Elin, but don’t blame it on being addicted to sex. That’s like if I told my Mom I got a D- in 8^th grade math because I was addicted to Madden 2004. (“It’s a real problem Mom, every time I leave the Xbox I break out in cold sweats and start getting nauseous…”).

Tiger, we get it, you’re not a great guy. Whether you were a good guy or not beforehand, who knows. Maybe you really did “get away from your Buddhism”. Or maybe your bullshitting us with stories of meditation. I’m sorry, I just don’t see a guy like Tiger having time to meditate when he’s playing golf 99% of the day, and the other time is spent with Michael Jordan and Charles Barkeley:http://www.nypost.com/p/news/national/the_naked_truth_kJhGO4wAlV9Xl8qvTWrglI

I do respect a couple reporters from the conference because they had the balls to ask some tough questions. One dealt with Tiger’s use of Vicodin and Ambien. Apparently, Tiger had been popping quite a few pills after his knee surgeries and the multiple tears of his Achilles tendon. He did admit to the use of these medications. The question that came later on, however, was a bit more probing. When asked if he had been under the influence of Vicodin or Ambien when he crashed his car, he replied with this line: "They (the police) cited me $166 bucks”. I dunno Tiger, but if you’re trying to convince us that you weren’t high on Vicodin when you crashed your car (less than 100 feet from your garage), you might want to flat-out deny the use of these drugs. Just throwing it out there…

Anyways, aside from the issues with Tiger’s character, I’m sure he’ll make it rain at Augusta. The man’s a prodigy. Plus, he’s going to try and “not get as hot” when he plays. He also won’t be as “exuberant”. He says he can’t play with one and not the other. Hopefully this means he won’t be pouting the entire time he’s on the course.

Be sure to check out the Masters on Thursday. I’m sure it won’t be too long until we see Tiger fist-pumping and cursing under his breath. I was hoping to end this article with some witty comment equating the amount of women Tiger’s slept with and the amount of holes he’ll play during the tourney, but I just don’t think there are enough greens at Augusta. Zing.

Adios,
Breeneback